Anyone who’s worked in a high-pressure kitchen knows how easy it is for tempers to flare. Orders come in faster than they can go out, mistakes pile up, and the heat—both literal and figurative—is relentless. The instinct to snap is real, but experience has taught me that the best leaders resist that impulse.
The Heat of the Moment
Kitchens have a reputation for being brutal environments, and for good reason. The head chef sets the tone—whether that’s composed authority or barely controlled rage. At Le Manoir aux Quat’Saisons, Gary Jones was the epitome of calm under pressure. He expected perfection but didn’t resort to screaming to get it. Mistakes weren’t met with fury but with focused correction.
Contrast the Manoir’s style with City Rhodes, where high expectations often came with sharp words and flying pans. The dynamic between the head chef and sous chef was fascinating to me. The head chef had an intense presence—controlled but demanding—while the sous chef was the one more prone to losing their temper. It became clear to me that emotional discipline was a key skill that separated great leaders from merely competent ones.
I remember one particularly chaotic service when I was too slow getting the desserts out to a VIP table. It was a critical mistake that delayed the entire service. Whereas Gary Jones would’ve taken a breath and said, “Reorganize and get yourself sorted. Fix it. Quickly.”, the sous chef at City Rhodes escalated the situation by aggressively confronting me, squaring up and shouting loudly, which caused the rest of the evening to spiral into disaster, not just for me, but for the whole brigade.
There were no after-service beers that evening, no amount of nominication would’ve resolved the tension of that night. A moment of restraint would’ve kept the kitchen calm and focused, preventing a bad situation from spiraling further.
Why Anger Isn’t Productive
Speaking when angry rarely achieves the desired outcome. Anger clouds judgment, escalates tension, and damages relationships. In kitchens, as in business, it can erode trust and morale. Worse, it often distracts from the real issue—solving the problem at hand.
I learned this lesson the hard way. Years later, when I was running my own business, I let my frustration get the best of me during a difficult Townhall meeting. I spoke in anger, and half the company walked out. That moment stayed with me. Not because I was wrong in what I said, but because of how I said it. If I had taken a moment to pause, to process, and to communicate more constructively, the outcome could have been very different.
The Sacred Pause
A mediator we brought in to help resolve a misalignment between the executive team called it The Sacred Pause. Taking a breath and counting to ten may sound simplistic, but it’s a powerful tool. Even in high-pressure situations, a pause doesn’t have to be long. A deep breath, a sip of water, or a few seconds of silence can help.
For yourself, pausing creates space for reflection, allowing you to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. In leadership, this moment of calm can make all the difference. It’s not about suppressing emotion; it’s about taking a hot second to channel it constructively.
For those around you, pausing builds trust. When team members see a leader who stays composed under pressure, they feel more confident and secure. It also sets a tone of respect and professionalism, which encourages the same behavior in others. Over time, this creates a healthier, more cohesive team dynamic.
These small pauses allow you to center yourself and choose your words carefully. If the situation truly demands an immediate response, focus on the issue at hand without assigning blame or letting emotions take over.
Strategies for Staying Composed
- Step Back: Physically remove yourself from the situation if possible. A brief moment away can help you regain perspective.
- Focus on Solutions: Shift your mindset from blame to problem-solving. What can be done to fix the issue now?
- Acknowledge Emotion Without Acting on It: Recognize your anger, but don’t let it dictate your actions. A simple “Let’s take a moment to reset” can diffuse tension.
- Practice Empathy: Mistakes are often unintentional. Consider the other person’s perspective before responding.
- Choose Your Words Wisely: Temper your language. Instead of “This is a disaster”, try “This didn’t go as planned—how do we fix it?”
- Practice Hansei (Self-Reflection): Borrowed from Japanese continuous improvement philosophy, Hansei encourages you to reflect on what happened, take responsibility, and think about how to improve next time.
Practicing these habits helps turn mistakes into learning opportunities rather than emotional flashpoints.
Beyond the Kitchen: Leadership Under Pressure
The ability to pause before speaking is invaluable in any leadership role. I’ve seen executives in high-stakes negotiations lose deals simply because they reacted emotionally instead of taking a moment to assess the situation. The best leaders—whether in a Michelin-starred kitchen or a boardroom—are those who maintain control, even in moments of intense pressure.
Take Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft, for example. When he first took over, he inherited a company culture that was known for internal competition and sharp elbows. Instead of reacting aggressively to conflict, he transformed the leadership ethos into one of empathy and collaboration. His ability to stay composed and lead with thoughtful action helped reshape Microsoft into the powerhouse it is today.
Staying Authentic While Tempering Emotion
Some people fear that holding back anger means being inauthentic. But managing emotion isn’t about suppressing passion—it’s about channeling it effectively. Think of it like tempering steel: raw steel is brittle and prone to breaking under stress, but when it’s heated and cooled with precision, it becomes resilient, strong, and unbreakable.
Controlled, thoughtful responses don’t make you less authentic—they make you a stronger leader. When you learn to recognize anger as a signal rather than a directive, you gain the power to turn frustration into clarity and conflict into growth.
The Takeaway: Count to Ten, Then Lead
Leadership isn’t about being emotionless; it’s about emotional intelligence. Pausing before speaking when angry is a small act with a big impact. It preserves trust, fosters collaboration, and sets a tone of respect. The next time you feel the heat rising, count to ten. Then, lead with clarity, strength, and purpose.