Imagine a workplace where feedback is not a source of anxiety but a catalyst for innovation and growth. Feedback can be a gift—when done right. Whether you’re a chef refining a dish, a business leader developing a team, or an entrepreneur navigating client expectations, the ability to give and receive feedback effectively is crucial for growth. Without it, teams stagnate, mistakes repeat, and opportunities are missed. Poor feedback—or a complete absence of it—breeds frustration and confusion. But a strong feedback culture can spark creativity, sharpen skills, and propel a business forward.
The Psychology of Feedback
At its core, feedback isn’t just about correcting mistakes—it’s about continuous improvement. The brain processes criticism as a threat, triggering a defensive response. That’s why even well-intended feedback can sometimes feel personal. Understanding this helps us frame feedback in a way that is constructive rather than damaging.
One useful framework for understanding feedback dynamics is the Gottman Method, which originated in relationship counseling but applies beautifully to workplace communication. It emphasizes the importance of avoiding what Dr. John Gottman calls the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse“: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
In feedback scenarios, this means focusing on specific behaviors rather than attacking someone’s character, expressing appreciation alongside critiques, staying open rather than defensive, and maintaining open dialogue instead of shutting down. By applying these principles, feedback becomes a tool for connection and growth, not conflict.
Tailoring Feedback for Different Styles
People respond differently to feedback. Some thrive on direct, candid critiques, appreciating blunt assessments that get straight to the point, while others benefit from a gentler, supportive approach that encourages them without feeling overwhelmed. Recognizing these differences and adjusting accordingly is essential.
For example, when guiding the team at Shutta, we intentionally adapt our feedback style to match each person’s learning preferences and personality. Some crave detailed, straightforward corrections and actively seek out areas to improve, while others respond better to incremental suggestions with positive reinforcement layered in. One intern excelled when given step-by-step feedback delivered in real-time, while another blossomed only after receiving written reflections they could digest privately. By tailoring our approach, we ensure every member feels supported, motivated, and equipped to grow—rather than intimidated or discouraged.
It’s not just about delivering the feedback itself; it’s about creating the right environment and tone so the person on the receiving end can absorb, reflect, and apply it in a way that fosters genuine growth.
How to Give Feedback That Actually Helps
- Be Specific – Vague feedback like “You need to communicate better” isn’t actionable. Instead, say, “In yesterday’s meeting, your points were strong, but speaking a little slower would make them clearer.”
- Balance Praise and Constructive Criticism – No one responds well to pure negativity. Acknowledge what’s working before diving into areas of improvement.
- Choose the Right Moment – Timing and setting matter. Deliver feedback privately and at a time when it can be absorbed thoughtfully.
- Focus on Behavior, Not Personality – “Your report had some missing data” is better than “You’re careless with reports.” Keep feedback objective.
- Offer a Path Forward – Criticism without guidance is unhelpful. Suggest ways to improve, like “Have you tried summarizing your key points at the start?”
At Shutta, we try to apply this at all levels, starting in our Ajax Academy internship program, where feedback is continuous and part of the learning process. We encourage our interns to iterate on their work just like chefs fine-tune a recipe—gradually improving through open, constructive dialogue.
When I worked in kitchens, feedback was relentless and often brutal, but it honed my resilience. I learned quickly that a critique of my sauce wasn’t a critique of me. This mindset has served me well in business, where client feedback can be just as sharp.
How to Receive Feedback Without Letting It Crush You
- Listen Fully Before Reacting – Resist the urge to defend yourself immediately. Hear the person out.
- Take Time to Process – Step away if needed. Reflect on the feedback before responding.
- Ask Clarifying Questions – “Can you give me an example?” helps you understand the feedback better.
- Depersonalize It – Feedback is about behavior, not identity. A mistake doesn’t define you.
- Extract the Valuable Parts – Not all feedback is delivered well. Focus on what’s useful.
- Show You’re Open to Growth – Responding with “Thanks for the insight. I’ll work on that” makes a great impression.
When Feedback Goes Wrong: Pitfalls to Avoid
Feedback can easily cross the line into harm if misused. Bullying, microaggressions, or passive-aggressive remarks masquerading as “feedback” erode trust and morale, leaving lasting damage that can be difficult to repair. Instead of fostering improvement, harmful feedback creates environments of fear and resentment, which stifle creativity and collaboration.
It’s important to recognize when feedback becomes a vehicle for personal attacks, power plays, or subtle digs disguised as “constructive criticism.” For example, consistently criticizing someone’s communication style without offering tangible solutions or only providing feedback in public settings to shame rather than support are clear signs of misuse. In remote work settings, this can show up as passive-aggressive comments in emails or group chats, where tone is easily misinterpreted.
The antidote is clear intent, respectful delivery, and a culture that prioritizes psychological safety. Establish norms around giving feedback privately when necessary, using objective language, and focusing on behaviors rather than personalities. Encouraging an open dialogue where people feel safe to ask questions and seek clarification ensures feedback strengthens the team instead of weakening it.
Creating a Feedback Culture
The best teams and organizations encourage a feedback-rich environment. One of the most transformative moments at Shutta came during a post-mortem meeting for our Location Missions product. Honest, open feedback helped us realize we were on the wrong path. Instead of clinging to a failing product, that feedback guided us into the successful digital transformation business we are today.
Building a feedback culture means:
- Normalizing regular, low-stakes feedback through check-ins and peer sessions.
- Leading by example—if you take feedback well, your team will too.
- Making feedback a two-way street. Encourage employees to give feedback upwards.
- Using anonymous surveys to surface honest insights.
Feedback isn’t limited to the office. Whether it’s adjusting a recipe at home, improving your tennis serve, or fine-tuning a speech, feedback shows up in every part of life. Just as chefs taste and tweak constantly, we’re always refining, iterating, and improving.
Embracing Feedback as a Lifelong Companion
Feedback isn’t about tearing people down—it’s about lifting them up and helping them become better versions of themselves. When shared with clarity and received with humility, feedback transforms from something we dread into a tool we actively seek out. The next time you give or receive feedback, try to see it as an opportunity to sharpen your skills and broaden your perspective.
The strongest professionals aren’t those who avoid failure but those who continuously evolve through honest reflection and learning. Just as I once learned to perfect a Béarnaise sauce under the watchful eye of a seasoned chef, I’ve applied the same openness to critique in refining business strategies, leading teams, and building better outcomes. Mastery isn’t a destination; it’s a journey paved with feedback, curiosity, and growth.